Biggest Loser Million Pound Match-Up Curves Girls

Hi,

 

I have been keeping busy with school, kids, work...etc.  I also have a myspace under CarnivalGirl.  I have had a hard time figuring out how to make use of both sites.  I wish all well and will try to come here more often.

I put chocolate away last night!  Yippee.  All I had to do was realize that I wasn't hungry and that I was eating for the wrong reasons and that I didn't want to do that.  It really isn't too hard to step away from food.  The hard part is staying mindful of why I am eating.  I gained some control last night and it was AWESOME!!!

Okay, not a whole lot to write here...I am finally getting over the nasty flu and hoping to get back into exercising again.  I am staying true to myself and doing what I think is best for me in each moment  and forgiving myself if I screw up...but I am so excited because I finally managed to keep one new lifestyle habit for a whole week even though I have been sick sick sick.  I have religioulsy written every drink (besides water) and every food item that has gone into my mouth in the food diary.  Now, thanks to the little tips I get from Jillian in my e-mail each day, I have added one more step..it was in my box last week but I wasn't ready and that was okay....I gotta do this at my pace..ya know... I have to do what really works for me because for once it really is ALL ABOUT ME...so now I added asking if I am Hungry or if I am anxious or depressed.  I used to think I only emotionally ate over depression...but last night's show really messed with me.  I no longer have any admiration for Mark or Jay and I pray that they are not the winners....unless they really face themselves.  What they did to Jackie was uncool.  Fine vote her off...she was the only woman, she did lose the least and she does have great support at home...but the way that they did it was WRONG and it really upset me.  Still my first week was about writing down what I had...not about beating myself up over it...so First Week down and I am Proud of myself.

I have a hard time ending toxic relationships.  I keep seeking approval, love and respect from dysfunctional people that are not capable of accepting me...that way I never have to deal with myself...but I am unhappy and I think I might finally be getting the fact that NO ONE will respect me if I don't respect myself.  I do not have to give my friendship away to people who do not value me.  I do not have to beg people to be my friend.  Just because I am fat does not make me worth less.  I have allowed my weight to be the reason that I am not loved by seeking out people who do not value me because I am fat.  Julie told me that I, alone am worth it.  She is right...She HAS to be...just look at her.  She accomplished what I want to accomplish and she told me that I, alone, am worth it...How Did She Know EXACTLY what I needed to know...becaue she has walked the walk that I now need to.  I AM WORTH IT....and I bought myself a fun little Happy Bunny notebook to use as my food diary...it says:  Nobody is Perfect...I am as close as you can get...or something like that...and I got a fun little marker that has a troll at the top.  Now I will use my food journal because IT IS FUN.  I can have fun with this...this is ALL ABOUT ME!!!  Good bye to toxic people who tell me I am worthless and not good enough!